Resilience is a big word in education at the moment and for good reason – it’s an incredibly valuable skill to teach your child.
Building resilience takes time and effort and some children will naturally gain it faster than others.
Many parents and caregivers mistakenly think that resilience only becomes important for school age children and teenagers. However there are lots of things you can do to help your toddler or child to build resilience and you can incorporate this into the time you spend with them day to day.
Understanding resilience
A resilient child has the ability to bounce back after a challenge or a tough experience. They can often recover quickly from setbacks and return to a task after facing an obstacle in their daily life.
Challenges can include things such as starting a new school or moving house but they can also be something as small as struggling to complete a set task.
It’s important that children face challenges and learn to deal with them in a positive way in order to build resilience. Developing strong relationships will help them to become resilient from a young age.
How to help your child build resilience
There are some super simple tips you can use to help your child build resilience. Be aware that there will be times when your child will seem less resilient such as when they are ill, tired or hungry – try to acknowledge this and continue focussing on the longer term objective to help your child develop healthily and happily.
Here are our top tips for helping toddlers and children build resilience:
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Always praise effort over results
Make sure you always praise your child for trying hard rather than simply when they achieve good results.
Many toddlers and children fear failure and as a result they will often refuse to try doing new things. Rather than risking embarrassment, children often simply give up.
When a parent or caregiver praises how hard a child tries or how they persist with a task they find difficult, they are encouraging their child to become resilient. It’s important to remember that a child can control the amount of effort they put in, yet they can’t always control the results.
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Teach children the value of mistakes
There are many studies that have shown that mistakes are vital for progress and in some cases actually help our brains develop and grow. Mistakes and failure are crucial in a child’s learning journey.
Speak to your child about mistakes that you’ve made yourself in order to make them aware that they are a natural and important part of everyday life.
By realising that everyone, adults included, make mistakes your child will be less afraid of them and more confident at persevering with and trying new tasks.
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Don’t try to shield your child from ‘problems’
As a parent or caregiver it’s natural to want to prevent your child from experiencing feelings such as sadness or anger. As a result we often try to protect children from difficult situations.
It’s actually incredibly important for your child to encounter problems (within reason) as overcoming small challenges can help to build your child’s resilience and prepare them for bigger setbacks later in life.
Small problems and disappointments are a good opportunity to speak with your child about how they’re feeling and help them to identify emotions.
You can also speak to your child about other people who have experienced similar challenges or problems – finding positive role models (even if these are characters from a book or TV show) can be really helpful for young children to build resilience and overcome challenges.
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Role play new situations
If your child is specifically struggling with trying new and unfamiliar tasks, or experiencing a new situation, it can really help to practice it in advance.
Role playing or practicing before your child encounters a situation or obstacle in real life can be hugely helpful. This could be something such as putting their hand up in a classroom situation or simply meeting a new teacher or classmate.
Remind your child that it’s OK if they feel scared, anxious or nervous. Reassure them that these emotions are entirely natural and that other children may also feel the same way. Encourage them and make sure that they know you’ll be proud of them no matter what.
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Always include your child in discussions
Allow your child to be part of your daily conversations. This is especially important if the conversations concern them. Many parents make the mistake of openly talking about a child’s fear or resistance to try something new without actually speaking to the child directly.
Let your child participate in your conversation and ask them specific questions about how they feel or what they want to do in order to progress with a situation.
You can use fun and engaging brainstorming techniques to combine your ideas with theirs – such as creating a mind map that shows them your ideas and thoughts on the same page as those they have contributed.
A great practice you can easily incorporate into your day to day life is to go around the table at breakfast or dinner and make a point of discussing things that have gone well or challenges that you have each overcome during your day.
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Encourage Empathy
It’s really important that you stay calm and act as patiently as possible when your child is refusing to take part in an activity or is struggling with a task. Try to see the situation from their point of view, and if you need to pause and take some deep breaths, do so before you engage with your child.
Saying things such as “It’s OK that you’re worried about going down the tall slide, I sometimes get scared of high things too” will provide your child with a reassuring, empathetic response that shows them you’re on their side.
You can also encourage empathy in your child and help to build resilience by getting them to help others. This can help them feel empowered especially when they feel as though they are helping younger children with difficult tasks.
Toddlers and young children have barely just learned to walk and talk so it’s entirely understandable that they may find it difficult to express anxieties and fears. Employing some of the tips above to give them strong life foundations and a resilient approach to tackling challenges can be invaluable.
Have a look at some of the advantages resilient children will have in life:
- Ability to recover more quickly from setbacks
- Higher confidence levels when approaching new situations and tasks
- Strong problem solving skills
- High levels of determination and perseverance
- Healthy approach to dealing with problems
- Less likely to develop mental health problems
Try to maintain solid and strong relationships with your child to ensure that they can explore the world around them and challenges that they may face, knowing that they can depend on you whenever they need.