As adults, we all have different temperaments and children are no different. Shyness is a normal behaviour in babies and children, and there is certainly nothing wrong with it.
The way that children interact with the world around them is determined by a huge variety of factors. Some children may be naturally shy or take longer to ‘warm up’ to new people and new situations.
Recognising shyness
Spotting shyness early allows you to support your child and make them feel as secure as possible in different situations.
You don’t need to ‘fix’ your child’s shyness but making them feel comfortable and supported will help them to continue to develop healthily and happily.
Shyness manifests in many different ways but there are some key ways to spot shy behaviour in babies and young children.
Babies
- Crying in a busy situation with new people
- Turning their heads or moving to avoid making eye contact with other people
- Refusing to be put down or physically clinging to their caregiver
- Burying their heads in your shoulder to avoid a social interaction
Preschoolers
- Avoiding joining in games with unfamiliar children or adults
- Being reluctant to play on equipment that other children are using
- Hiding behind parents
- Looking at the floor to avoid making eye contact
- Refusing to speak to unfamiliar people
School age children
- Avoiding putting their hand up or speaking in class
- Watching others play before attempting to join in
- Avoiding any new activity or task
- Struggling to make new friends or participate in large groups
How to support your child
Luckily there are many easy and effective ways that you can support a child who is showing shy behaviour.
- For babies, always allow them to adapt gradually to a new situation. Giving a baby time to feel comfortable and to take in their new surroundings or an unfamiliar face will allow them to settle more easily.
- Introduce new people to your baby or child. Encourage them to play close by with your child but don’t simply hand them over straight away. Speak to the new person yourself using a calm and happy voice so that your child immediately sees that this is someone you are comfortable with and trust too.
- Try not to over comfort your child as this may actually have the opposite effect and make them think that the situation is one that they should be worried about. Act calmly and confidently yourself and they should begin to model your behaviour with time.
- Never try to sneak away from your child or move away suddenly. If you’re able to stay with your child in a social situation, wait until they are comfortable and move away gradually – show them that you are nearby and reassure them if need. If you are leaving them at daycare or any early educational setting, make sure that they know when you are leaving.
- Always praise your child if they do something brave, however small it may be. Try to praise them at the time so that they know what they have done well. You may also want to revisit it later that day or ask them to tell your partner or another caregiver. You could say “Why don’t you tell your daddy how happy the other children were when you said hello to them in the playground? You did so well to go and talk to them”
- Try not to label your child as ‘shy’ or describe them as shy to other people in front of them. If other parents or caregivers describe them in this way, gently correct them and say that your child is just a little quiet today or that they take a bit longer to warm up sometimes.
- Read books or seek out characters in Kids TV shows with shy characters. Talk about those characters with your child so that they recognise they aren’t alone. Speak positively about other traits the characters have such as being brave or good at listening.
- Prepare your child for any new outing/event/people they are going to encounter. Talk to them about what you’ll do and see and where you’ll be going. You could show them photos of a new person you are going to meet or speak to them about what they are like and offer them some fun information about them such as the name of their pet or how many children they have.
- Make sure that any new caregiver is aware of your child’s temperament. Tell them the ways that they can help to make them feel more secure and any tactics you use which are particularly helpful. Keeping the response and handling of your child’s shyness consistent across different settings will help your child feel as confident and secure as possible.
Can shyness become a problem?
Generally babies and children will grow to become more confident and less shy with age and as they adapt to new settings.
If you are worried about your child’s shyness you could consult your family pediatrician for extra advice. You may want to consider speaking to someone about your child’s shyness in the following instances:
- If your child’s shyness is causing them a lot of distress on a daily basis
- If your child’s shyness is interfering significantly with your daily lives
- If you think your child is struggling to form relationships with other children or caregivers
There are some instances in which other issues are overlooked and labelled as shyness. Sometimes children who have undiagnosed hearing impairments or language delays can be labelled as shy when actually there are other reasons for their behaviour.
If you would like to learn more about shyness and the many ways you can positively reinforce your child, please don’t hesitate to speak with our friendly childcare Educators at a child care centre near you!
